Have you heard of the parable of frog stew? Here’s the story:
If you place a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will immediately try to jump out because it senses the extreme heat. However, if you place the frog in a pot of cool water and then slowly heat it up, the frog will not perceive the gradual increase in temperature and will eventually be cooked to death.
The parable is used to highlight the danger of complacency in the face of slow and incremental changes, whether in personal habits, social norms, or environmental conditions. It suggests that people should remain vigilant and responsive to gradual changes that could ultimately lead to harmful consequences.
Insert Delilah:
Once upon a time, there was a young mother-to-be named Delilah. Delilah was thirty years old, head first in with holistic practices, and passionate about bringing her first child into the world through a natural, physiologic home birth. She had spent countless hours researching (primarily on Instagram), following accounts of midwives, doulas, and witnessing/connecting with mothers who shared her vision.
She decided to participate in dual-care, some ultrasounds alongside her Midwife’s expertise. One day, during a routine prenatal check-up, Delilah's doctor suggested she attend a birthing class at the local hospital. "Just to be prepared," they said. Wanting to ensure she was well-informed, Delilah agreed. The class was informative, and the hospital staff seemed caring and knowledgeable. They spoke of the benefits of hospital births—the advanced technology, the skilled professionals, the safety net of medical interventions.
Over time, Delilah found herself and her husband attending more hospital-recommended classes and fewer of her beloved natural birthing workshops. Each class subtly emphasized the risks of home birth and the security of hospital deliveries. The language was gentle, the persuasion gradual. Delilah's and her husband’s confidence in her home birth plan began to waver (unconsciously), just a little.
When Delilah reached her third trimester, the Midwife recommended a series of tests and procedures “just to be on the safe side.” They were framed as minor precautions, each one seemingly innocuous. Some blood work. Some doppler fetal monitoring would ensure the baby’s safety. IF there was a need, she would be able to transfer because she’s been under dual-care. If anything were to happen, an epidural is an option, it would make the process smoother, and that induction could be utilized to fit her convenience.
Delilah, wanting the best for her baby, agreed to each step, reassured by the “medical” “experts.” The water in her metaphorical pot was heating up, but so gradually that she didn’t notice the warmth turning into a simmer.
The day of her intense contractions arrived, and she labored. And labored. And labored. Her midwife had been with her for 48 hours. Her strength and confidence dwindling. Her husband speaks up and says, “honey, the guys at the hospital know what they’re doing. You don’t have to be a superhero. Let them help you.”
Soon, Delilah found herself in a hospital bed, surrounded by beeping machines and a team of doctors and nurses. The birth she had envisioned—physiologic, natural, serene, in the warmth of her own home—was a distant memory. The interventions led to stronger, more painful contractions, which led to medication and she began to lose consciousness, which then led to more interventions.
Before she knew it, her labor was directed by the clock and the hospital protocols rather than her body’s natural rhythms. She was in the “emergency” sphere of birthing. On a table being cut open. In the midst of it all, she felt detached, as if the birth was happening to her rather than through her.
When Delilah finally held her baby, a wave of love washed over her. But alongside that joy was a bittersweet realization. The birth she had dreamed of had slipped away, bit by bit, intervention by intervention. She had handed over her power, and with it, the birth she truly desired.
This is a spin on the parable of frog stew.. however, the amount of women I’ve heard recount a story exactly like Delilah’s, blows me away. This parable teaches us that gradual, seemingly benign environments, “experts,” protocols, and changes can lead us far from our original path. In the context of the industrial medical complex and birth, it reminds us to GET CLEAR on what we want. To stay vigilant to anything that isn’t bring that into our path, to trust our instincts, and to hold fast to our desires. Each small concession, each surrender of control, can slowly erode the birth experience we seek.
Delilah's story is a call to all expecting mothers to remain true to their vision, to question the necessity of anything not in full alignment and to reclaim their power our body’s were gifting in the birthing process.