This august marks one year that I’ve been on island. The island of Maui, the place I’ve made my home. The place that drew me in. The place that welcomed me with open arms.
A few weeks back my landlords asked if I would be renewing my lease. Upon reflection, it felt candidly obvious to tell them to plan for another year. There is no physical place I’ve lived and felt more safe and supported than the four walls I’m in. It has been a gift to live remote, in a space fully surrounded by plants, where you can walk out the doors and eat from the trees, leave your doors unlocked. A place that so deeply touches you it shifts your internal cyclical nature. A place that depicts the image that comes to mind when you hear the word refuge. Your own personal oasis.
This consideration had me thinking, “isn’t this really what we’re seeking in our bodies as well?”
I recognize my privilege in having space to reflect and share these words. And it’s my prayer that if you’re reading you will find ways to take action in helping your neighbor. It is my prayer that more of us will inhabit a body that we feel safe in. To live in a body that we feel supported in. To be comfortable, at peace in our physical “meat suit.” For this internal safety and supported sense to emanate through our words, actions and ways of being.
Each person that walks through the door at Living Adjusted FWC, on the deepest level, is seeking some sort of embodiment. They’re seeking acknowledgment of inner conflict, or acceptance in the situation going on outside of themselves, safety within this physical, human experience.
I’m not sure what the status of your world is as you’re sitting reading this, but currently in Hawaii, we can’t enter a store without having a mask on. There are glaring yellow signs warning us about the implications for disobeying social distancing guidelines. There are drones flying over the beaches and cops patrolling every other block we seem to travel down. Masks, social distancing, shelters in place, lack of eye contact.. the list goes on.
In light of this season, I felt a nudge to explore what it looks like to truly be SAFE within our bodies. By studying the body on a physical and metaphorical level we gain a better understanding of the whole picture. How can we create safety in a world that continues to change? How can we find neurologic safety and feel supported internally regardless of our external environments? How can we find support in our physical experience under the alienation of sickness and diagnosis?
Stephen Porges coined the term “Polyvagal Theory” and gifted us an outline for physiologic safety through neurology — the vagal nerve specifically. This nerve has branches running from the brain to the heart, lungs and gut as well as to the face (ears, eyes and expression of jaw and voice muscles).
There are three main branches of the vagal nerve.
1. Ventral Vagal (Social Vagus) - allows us to move our eyes, ears, facial muscles and voice. This section is also responsible for processing speech (style and tone), listening and eye contact. These facial and tonal expressions are considered “social engagement.” We’ve all seen the way mothers talk to their babies — with wide mouth, big facial expressions, lots of smiling, lots of laughter, slow, gentle cooing noises. Most of us experience a change in tone of our voice when talking to infants. What do you think happens to our internal state when we approach someone in a mask? We’re losing our initial safety mechanism — facial expression — to gain primal, neurologic feedback on whether we should approach the human (are they safe?) Or avoid that human (they’re a threat).
2. Middle Vagal Branch - This is embedded within the sympathetic system. This portion of the vagal nerve helps coordinates heart rate, gut function and lung capacity. We’ve all heard Walter Cannon’s coined term “fight or flight.” This response ramps our defenses, increasing heart rate, shuttling blood to the arms and legs, priming our lungs with more air and secreting hormones that signal high alert. This occurs when our initial safety mechanism is bypassed (social vagus) putting our bodies in defense. The pace of life has caused many of us to default to this state on a regular basis halting energy expenditure for immune defense, metabolic processes, reproductive processes and digestion leading to an array of chronic issues.
3. Dorsal Vagal - This is where we find ourselves in a dissociative state when the hope of self defense or relational repair is lost. Stephen Porges gives examples of this correlated with animals death fanning or playing dead. Sort of a last ditch effort to get needs met. A state of learned helplessness. We see this playing out in humanity with chronic abuse, poverty or oppression.
Throughout this season, I’ve found myself in all of these states. Momentary waves of feeling social, to stressed, to giving up, to disassociating, to becoming hopeful and energized again. So, now that we have an understanding, a generalized map, to what may be happening physiologically, what can we do to change our state? To create the feeling of safety and support?
I like to break it down in four phases, a generalized feeling state, then practice suggestions —
Social Security:
Feeling State: Isolated, Lonely, Disconnected
Practice: Ask for help, Give someone a hug, Hold your partners hand, Pet your animal, Call a friend, Maintain eye contact for more than 30 seconds, Spend time PLAYING
Fight:
Feeling State: Stressed, Overwhelm, Anxiety, Aggression, Argumentative
Practice: Prayer, Journal, Mediation, BREATHE, Turn off social media, Slow movement, Heart opening movement, Walk in nature, Acupuncture
Flight:
Feeling State: Looking for exits, Quit, Move, Avoidance
Practice: Sing, Chant, Dance, Laugh, Call a friend, Acupuncture, Journal, Learn something new, Engage in a hobby
Disassociation:
Feeling State: Hopeless, Paralyzed, Over loaded, Empty
Practice: Meditation, Body tapping, Heel tapping, Massage, Strengthen boundaries, Talk therapy, Laughter
Safety and Support. How do you create it in your daily life? How have you been able to find internal safety during this season of life? My prayer is that more of us can live from this place. Making the external place we inhabit safer for expression, for relaxation, for play. And raise the next generation with an understanding of true embodiment.
For the world to live in this body as your home. To live in your body safe and supported. Your body as your vessel. As your own oasis. As your friend.
With love,
Dr. Molly